unknowing and unknown

i do not know when this baby will come

i do not know what she will be like when she is born

i do not know when my last chance to practice yoga will be before my body is wrecked by childbirth and nursing and carrying this child for hours in my arms rather than in my womb

i do not know and so i wait

and i am lethargic

i think about meditating, about repeating the breath and the birth mantras in my mind

i think about practicing cat/cow and the standing poses left in my repertoire

but mostly i sit

and i stare at the mat rolled in the corner between the bookshelf and the wall

and i wish for a backbend and a headstand

i do not know when i will be able to practice them again

but i know that i will