Dancing Yogini (Beginnings)

Moving on Up

2010-06-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

So i decided its time to retire this blog and restart after the amazement of teacher training. i want a fresh place to write where i feel comfortable letting the entire world and my students read my musings. SO this blog is to be no more.

... i'm moving back to http://dancingyogini.blogspot.com as the official bloggidy blog for my yoga journey. see ya there!

Anxiety and Affirmation

2010-05-06T12:47:00.000-07:00

Anxiety. like i can't take a full breath, or really breathe much at all. i'm counting hours in the days and days in the months and months in the year and years in my life ... the conclusion is that there aren't enough. time keeps stealing my life away and i can't seem to catch up and keep up.

i'm headed away again next week for part 3 of todd and ann's teacher training and i'm all sorts of getting worried over it. this is totally NOT like me. for the last week i've even been getting worried before going in to teach classes. to the point of feeling like i'd rather burst into tears and run screaming from the room than face the loving and supportive students that have come to be with me.

i could list all the reasons i'm feeling anxious. there are plenty that i'm aware of and probably more that i'm not. but what's the point? dwell on the problems -- solvable and insolvable -- or move towards solution. and what is so strange this time in 'dealing with' the tight chest and drowning feeling, instead of trying to swat it away or sweep it under the rug, i'm actually trying to embrace it. i'm trying to invite it to tea to sit with me and just be here as a part of the big picture that IS me these days. having anxiety over for dinner is incredibly uncomfortable. it is NOT the most fun emotion to hang out with. (could i please have that blissed-out feeling back?) but it is real and it is here and i'm just trying to be dynamically still in the midst of it.

what i've found so far is that aside from making me want to eat all the sweets in the house and do some random impulse shopping, anxiety isn't SO terrible. i know the reasons for it, i take steps to alleviate those problems and otherwise i just let it be. i'm actually using it as a wake up call that i need to swing back towards taking care of myself.

meditate

practice yoga (even restoratives!)

pranayama

journal

connect with friends

take a long hot bath or shower without the baby at the shower door

sleep, even go to bed early

and constantly, every moment, every time i can... affirm myself.

i am perfectly imperfect just the way i am

there is nothing more i need to be

this world is more beautiful with me in it

i am doing all i need to do

i am teaching just the way i need to teach

i am progressing in my teaching at the perfect speed

i will overcome the teaching edges that stress me out right now in my own time in the right moment

i shine my bright light

i offer love to everyone including myself

reading these i take a slightly deeper breath and feel the love of Grace move through me. i remember my heart is connected to a great ocean of love that i have physically felt before. my chest is still tight. i still feel that i can't go on. but i know i can and i will. i know the practice will break through this place of uncertainty. and like everything, i know this emotion too will pass.

Lonliness

2010-04-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

It is building, this local Kula. slowly but surely the anusara community here is getting started. hard to get started without an actual certified teacher, but that isn't really stopping us. i like knowing i'm not the only one around here who loves Anusara. who is eating it up and can't get enough... it feels a bit like and addiction to the alignment the theming the Tantric philosophy... and the heart-opening wildly loving family.

and that's where i feel a bit lonely. our family is small and only loosely banded together and the part that i am a part of... i am in the lead. i am the teacher. i am the mother. i am the guide. it is an honor. and it is lonely. i've often thought of john friend and wondered if he experiences this feeling. that no one can quite be in his place and share with him. that there is no one to take him under their wing and offer to him all that he offers to others. who opens his heart and blows his mind? i know the students do, but it is in a different way, a different capacity.

i miss being a part of a regular class, with a regular teacher that i look up to and adore and wonder about. that shares love to me as a child is loved by a parent. i miss having other students that are my friends that i laugh with and watch movies with and share long nights out to dinner and then dancing or other wildness. things are not as they once were. i know my YTT teachers do love us, but there is so much intellectual learning and not nearly enough practice happening at YTT.

and so i realize, though i've been in my (slowly growing) kula here and i've been in my YTT kula and so in the heart of Anusara. in the back pocket of one of my favorite teachers even. i'm over due for a hit of the love. i'm over due for a big rockin weekend of practice practice practice, expand expand expand and LOVE it UP! thankfully i am scheduled to practice with john next month. and i've made my plans for the future to keep myself connected and plugged in to the merry band, to even take my place as a part of the merry band.

i'm ready ready ready. enough learning and thinking and planing, time to DO!

AH - HA!

2010-04-11T17:29:00.001-07:00

the other title to this post could be: OH, so that's what Grace is

i had an epiphany moment the other night while i was being yoga nerd and making flashcards for my YTT test. i was studying the immersion manual and came to the (very brief) part about Grace. According to John Friend "Grace is the power of revelation" i have read those words many many times. i have been taught that very idea many many many times in many many many ways, yet the other night it was totally different. like being hit with a baseball bat of reality and suddenly something changed. i GET it.
Grace is a POWER. it doesn't have power or use power it IS the power. so Grace is not some noun that uses her influence on the word. Grace is actually that moment when you realize something or you learn something new when... it is the power that makes that new learning possible, or makes the ah-ha happen. it is a power that reveals a truth that was previously hidden. it IS THE POWER. like friggin' magic.
i got really excited about it. i am really excited about. even taught a pretty good Open to Grace themed class that sunday.
and since then i've been thinking more about it. right now i'm imagining Grace to be like 'the Force' from Star Wars. it exists all around it is an invisible but undeniable power and some are more skilled in attuning to it than others (but probably all can be taught). the big difference would be that the Force is a power of the mind, and Grace is a power of the heart. either way it is about moving into the flow of the pulsation of life and staying there by attuning moment to moment. the better you get at attuning the better able you can tap into the power and use it to your advantage... to the advantage of the whole world.

and that's what it feels like to me today. i'm opening to a whole new world... powered by Grace.

Vinyasa Krama

2010-01-17T17:21:00.000-08:00

The mantra that has been repeating in my mind over and over in the last few days is this: "Finish the vinyasa" in essence... finish what you started. i have tendancy to get very close to the end of something and then go off on a tangent leaving the first project almost, but not quite complete. but lately, without asking my mind has been suppling the thought... finish it. if you aren't done, Finish what you have started.

Vinyasa is translated many ways.. breath and movement, a type of class. etc. broken into sanskrit they say it means Nyasa - to place, Vi - in a special way. Vinyasa - to place in a special way. i does not mean move quickly through a bunch of postures while breathing, though it is often taught that way. but there is another deeper vinyasa definition that comes to mind when i think of my mini-mantra, that of vinyasa krama. krama is the steps one takes to place in a special way. that is, HOW do you place in a special way. it is having an intention then how do you get to the goal you have set. it can be applied to the yoga practice, and more importantly, as with everything yoga it can be applied to life. according to an article from yoga chicago.com it is the 'intelligent sequencing of a personal yoga practice designed with a specific intention or goal.' and 'it is as simple as deciding what to make for dinner or as daunting as deciding a new career - then taking the necessary steps toward achieving that goal.'

i notice that as my yoga practice becomes more organized, more efficient, more productive, more life-affirming... my life is improved. my life becomes more organized, more efficient, more productive, and in general happier. i start to remember to 'finish the vinyasa' and to even limit the projects i set out to complete in a day so that i can be more effective and actually finish what i start. this organization brings a sense of ease and space in my life that is not present when i am trying to do too much and not actually completing anything.

the mantra came to me a few years ago when i did my first teacher training and then slipped away. now, again i'm in teacher training, again i'm organizing my life to fit in my yoga practice and the mantra has returned. an unexpected and subtle benefit of the practice. finishing what i start... completing the vinyasa becomes another way yoga transforms my life day in and day out.

The Body Speaks

2009-10-15T09:54:00.001-07:00

just finished practice

it amazes me how the body holds onto things and only lets you know what is going on when it feels safe to do so. for a while now i've been out of sorts in my left hip. that translates into a tightness on my whole left side and it doesn't do much to help my right shoulder. my entire body is trying to compensate. in my practice i've been trying to open that hip, to open that left side, but nothing much seems to help. today i used muscular energy and my body kept leading me in and in and in. and i think i've found it. my tailbone is in the wrong place. it is ever so slightly off to the left. as i worked hard in my legs i couldn't quite get it to move back, not the way i can often pop the SI joint into adjustment. so i kept at it, kept trying and finally just decided to rest. knowing there is more work to be done but nothing more for today, i put myself into savasana. there in corpse pose i was drawn back to the birth of my daughter. all of the emotions (ones that i didn't even feel that day) came back too, with a softness and an opening. and i knew then, that my misalignment happened during the birth and i never got back into place. hopefully, letting the emotions, joyful and sorrowful and fearful, flow helped soften the pull of the muscles and ligaments and will help move my tailbone into alignment again. life is better when i'm aligned. but either way, i am amazed that on this rainy cloudy cold morning when i didn't really want to practice at all, just going to the mat took me to a place of such profound insight and deeper awareness, not just of my body but of my whole life. after some practices, you are never the same.

Coming Home

2009-02-19T16:38:00.000-08:00

The yoga is like coming home for me. It's like turning a corner after a long road trip and seeing the place most dear. then walking through open doors into the embrace of long loves.. and some days they're baking chocolate chip cookies and serving cocoa too. but sometimes it's like going home when no one is there. when the place is quiet and empty and not only that, it's dirty and tired. sometimes i can't even find the street the house is on.. i'd like to say i keep searching on those days but i'm likely to either roll up my mat and 'forget it' or stumble through nothing poses as i ponder my toenails and pick at my clothing.
and i'm supposed to teach people?
but maybe that is the lesson. when you first come home after that first semester away at college you are suddenly hit with the knowledge 'i don't live here anymore.' but you don't really live at college either. you are hit with the uprootedness of life. we are always uprooted. and in our society so disconnected from our truly divine nature.
yoga is that chance to plant roots. to try to go home for real. home to the back pocket of the universe where we can cozy up and bathe in the love and warmth that comes with the knowledge that we truly are whole.
these days as i struggle in the first moments of motherhood i remind myself this life is a journey, this home i'm creating for my child is a warm safe holding ground for exploration until we all return to the heart of the divine. and i remind myself i too, am divine. even in my most difficult and challenging moments
I am a Goddess

Darkness and Light

2008-12-20T17:00:00.000-08:00

I teach a sunday morning yoga class at YS. tomorrow i start back up after the break of maternity leave. it is like restarting into something i know i am meant to do but from a place of total disarray, from a whole new ground level. like there has been an earthquake, a cosmic shift and the new ground is HERE. but where ever it is.. Here is where i start from.
my sunday morning class is usually pretty small but i prepare fully for it because it is the most dear to my heart. it is the class where i have the most freedom to teach from a theme and to teach anusara alignment. so in some ways, not only do i prepare the asana for the class i also feel like i am preparing a sermon.

tomorrow's theme is dealing with darkness and light. tomorrow is the winter solstice. the darkest day of the year. and yet in the midst of this darkness... probably because of the darkness all of the holidays will hit and we will celebrate the LIGHT. we will come together, drink eat sing dance and laugh in a huge celebration of life and abundance and of spirit. in this yoga, too, we say YES to life. we acknowledge the darkness without trying to run away from it. because without darkness there could be no light, we wouldn't know what light is. so we acknowledge learn from and embrace the darkness. but out of that we CELEBRATE and align with and invite the light in every moment. the light of universal spirit that dances in all of us no matter what we call it. maybe we just call it life. and so we say LIFE IS GOOD and celebrate that.

so tomorrow we'll dance with darkness and with light. i'll bring images of candles and stars and of shadow and shining out your own true light. and hopefully tomorrow students will come and practice with me. i am SO ready to be there again.

Returning

2008-11-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

About a month. that's how much time i took before practicing again. the last day before the baby was Oct 10th. and i practiced on my own again yesterday, nov 9th.

i felt my downward facing dog and think it feels pretty much like a beginner's dog. nothing like where it was before pregnancy or in honesty, even during pregnancy. hopefully my hamstrings will open again.

being in this place of having to re-build my practice again gives me SO much sympathy or empathy for beginner students. even for mild students who don't practice very often. this stuff is hard and usually i just bounce around in and out of poses no problem.. but if you're not used to doing it the body can be a challenge.

but happiness, joy, fear, unknowing all crowding in as i get started. and as always the reminders : go slow, it will come, live for this moment and know change is happening.

it just feels so good to breathe again.

unknowing and unknown

2008-10-06T12:20:00.000-07:00

i do not know when this baby will come

i do not know what she will be like when she is born

i do not know when my last chance to practice yoga will be before my body is wrecked by childbirth and nursing and carrying this child for hours in my arms rather than in my womb

i do not know and so i wait

and i am lethargic

i think about meditating, about repeating the breath and the birth mantras in my mind

i think about practicing cat/cow and the standing poses left in my repertoire

but mostly i sit

and i stare at the mat rolled in the corner between the bookshelf and the wall

and i wish for a backbend and a headstand

i do not know when i will be able to practice them again

but i know that i will

Summer Doldrums

2008-08-25T06:20:00.000-07:00

Summertime, i'm learning, is the lean time for yoga teachers. the number of students in all of my classes has dropped off dramatically and i'm pretty sure this isn't about ME specifically. Summer, especially August, is prime vacation season. this year vacation season also came with the increase in energy costs and i'm sure that had some effect on the number of students in my classes also. so a few weeks i had no one in a class here or there... i also had the chance to work solo with people a few times. and the numbers at the health club, where i'd gotten up to 12 or 14, went back down to 4 or 5.

on one hand, it's very hard not to get discouraged when the numbers are low. the energy of the room seems to sink down and it feels like my voice is lost into the depths of space. but on the other hand, with low numbers it is easier to get into the more difficult poses or to get into poses that require more supervision.
in class at the health club the other night i had 6 people, one of them was a teacher who was in just to observe my class and get a feel for it. so i had five members and a teacher. so even though it is a level one class i was able to teach them handstands at the wall. in a roomful of 14 at very different skill, strength, flexibility, and listening to instruction level i would not have felt comfortable doing that. but knowing my crowd and being able to see them all at once made it possible. and the outcome was great because the true level one students really got to try something new and the level two students who just come to the level one class for fun got to work on the pose more slowly than they do in the level two classes. they got to build up to it with lots of poses beforehand and they got to ask questions without worrying about sounding too beginner.

so i just try to be grateful that i have the time to teach, no matter how many students actually make it through the door. i'll just keep putting myself and my words and my heart out there and see what happens. and i guess we'll see what september will bring.

Intentional Chocolate

2008-08-04T13:00:00.001-07:00

When i was in Ohio, Ann and Todd shared this one minute shift video with us. The idea behind all of this and the reason to share is the reminder that our intentions.. our thoughts really do have profound impact on our lives. it is so easy to go through the day thinking negative thoughts and then attracting negative events to us. it is much harder but wiser to teach ourselves positive thinking and then watch as positive events are attracted to us. at any rate enjoy the one minute shift and then, this reminds me to offer gratitude and love before each meal.

Tree Poetry

2008-07-09T13:56:00.000-07:00

Looking for inspiration for my class this evening I came across this poem on the web:

Breath by J. Daniel Beaudry

Tree, gather up my thoughts
like the clouds in your branches
Draw up my soul
like the waters in your root

In the arteries of your trunk
bring me together
Through your leaves
breathe out the sky

(particularly great because i'm planning a class on Muscle Energy -- specifically drawing up from foot to pelvis)

What the Heart Says

2008-07-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

I was practicing in Todd and Ann's class on the chakras about a week ago now. and we were working on the third chakra. we'd done plenty of abdominal work that i couldn't exactly join in on because of my rounder belly but i did what i could and modified where possible. and then we went into arm balances. Bakasana, parsvabakasana etc. again i was fighting an off-center center of gravity, and baby in the way for most of the poses, but i modified and did what i could.

and suddenly my heart burst out into my thoughts: "i LOVE arm balances" and instantly my body, heart, mind, soul, agreed. yes, arm balances rule and are a lot of fun and are worth loving.

then my rational mind burst into laughter...."You do?" and i nearly laughed out loud at the change in myself.

my rational mind is usually telling me things like "i hate arm balances" and " i'm afraid of and terrible at arm balances in general." but here it was, more accurate and true for me in my practice right now today. in reality arm balances are pretty darn fun and cool no matter how much success i have in my attempts at them.

so the statement i usually reserve for backbending and handstand 'i love X pose...' can now be expanded

turns out I LOVE ARM BALANCES too. Sweet!

Immersion 2 Yogini's Journal 2

2008-07-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

Friday June 27, 2008 - - Columbus Ohio

Some random thoughts

- I realized this evening... So many of us in this immersion are Anusara Orphans. We have no home kula, no big Anusara family to draw from. and yet, we still do not desert the practice. We come back to it and we find a way to stay connected. We are so luckily recharged by events such as this one. So many of the people i've talked to are in the similar position as me of being one shining light of Anusara - even as teachers- with no one else around. At least i know as i go back an am alone again that i am not alone in my being alone.

- I spoke up in the group and shared some of my experience today which was an odd move for me. The beauty of it was that then it was as if my light was shining brighter and more people saw me. So i was able to connect to more people in the process because they shared about their own lives or they asked me more about me. It was nice to be seen and not to shy away from that.

- The women i'm sharing the B&B with have both cooked dinner and shared food with me. i felt a bit uneasy about it. But then i think back to even a few weeks ago when all i wanted was for someone to cook for me and i feel such GRATITUDE. i feel totally wrapped in Abundance. Very very grateful for their joy, hospitality, and sharing. and i'll just try to extend the same in return.

--Other gratitude and inspiration

-i am grateful for my group of spiritual friends at home. a group i can come together with and share about all of these moments.

-I am grateful for my family and the love i feel for them and from them - including all of my wonderful friends.

- i am inspired to have friends over to share meals

- i am inspired to practice with N.

- i am inspired to learn more and play more with my chakras

Immersion 2 Yogini's Journal

2008-07-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

June 26 2008 -- Columbus, Ohio

Two days of immersion done already. I am interested to note that i feel much more energetic than i do at home most days and much more energetic than i was expecting to feel. Maybe i'm allowing myself to fall into a lethargy at home that isn't needed. And by working so strongly in this true, deep alignment I'm actually building more strength and energy rather than less. I think i was extremely ready to come to this immersion this time. My energy was ready to receive and my body was better prepared after taking all of Maria's classes all winter/spring.

And i'm just realizing now, i'm SO able to be a student of Todd and Ann. There's nothing in the way with them or the people around me who i am practicing with. Some part of me that had a guard up or needed to "prove" myself in Washington, DC isn't in the way or showing up here. I am quite simply enjoying the learning. This feels like a five day workshop (not an immersion).

In some of the reading tonight i am finding inspiration for my classes back home, so that is exciting. Time to go back to basics and really refine, and actually TEACH the actions in the body. Time to separate them at first and then integrate them down the line. People are smart - they can learn and apply these things.

I keep thinking one day i'd love to have Todd come to Richmond to give a workshop. It could be sometime several years from now probably once i've gotten some Anusara more established there. and if he did, then some of my students could come. So that idea makes me think i need to get serious and organized in teaching this stuff for real so the students can really apply the principles in their bodies. then when they meet Todd and he sees their practices he can see i taught them well.

This immersion doesn't particularly feel ground breaking to me. It feels comfortable and happy - Love filled. Like a mini-retreat, a refresher, a recharger even though i am learning new concepts.
I feel very settled, where many times this much yoga and this much being away from home would be unsettling and would feel chaotic. or it would have me more stirred up about big trauma in my life. Today i feel like this is exactly where i am meant to be. I am doing exactly what i am meant to be doing. If anything, instead of stirred up emotionally, i feel more inspired. But really, not even that. I just feel settled. Calm, at peace with what is. even my body feels that way - i am sore certainly - but not overly sore. Sore not tightened or locking or holding. It's like i have soreness and i am releasing it and softening into it. that feels good.

So, as we say in Anusara (and on all the T-shirts) Life is Good. not terrible, not AWESOME. Just Right. Total goldilocks principle. And i'll rest in that tonight.

Becoming the Spiritual Center

2008-06-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

This weekend i went on a walk in the woods with my friend and her dog. as we walked we talked and caught up on our spiritual lives lately and how they relate to our body movement lives. for me that means how spiritual am i being in my yoga teaching and yoga practice path?

the answer right now is really not very spiritual at all. somehow i seem to have lost contact once again with the deeper practices that can help keep my mind and body open to really be able to be there for my students. in recent weeks i have put plenty of emphasis on maintaining my asana practice and even on allowing it to change and soften as my body is becoming more round. but it seems as much as i have allowed for change, i have dropped off in my commitment to pranayama, meditation, and reading (and obviously, blogging about it) somehow the change in my body has entirely usurped disciplined spiritual practice.

next week i go to ohio for almost a week to work with todd norian and ann greene for my anusara immersion part 2. and i have been deeply concerned with keeping my asana practice up so that i'll have the stamina to make it through a week of strong practicing and lecture. what i neglected until about last week was the reading. oops! after a quick trip to amazon for used books several new volumes have landed on my door step and i'm trying to get through them as thoroughly and quickly as possible. re-reading the yoga sutras and reading about the chakras and about tantric tradition has once again reminded me... there is SO MUCH MORE on this yoga path than the asana. the readings have reminded me that my lack of inspiration comes from dropping off the other important practices and from not stopping to just be still and listen to it all around me.

my friend put it beautifully as we discussed wanting to bring spirituality into the classes we teach. she said rather than wanting to work in a spiritual center or run a spiritual center she herself wants to BE the spiritual center. in that way, everywhere she goes becomes a sacred space and everyone she comes into contact with is able to be reached more from a deeper spiritual connection. that is how i feel in the presence of great teachers like todd norian or john friend. that deeper sense of knowing and connection to my own spiritual self is what i want to cultivate and continue to bring to the classroom (and outside of the classroom). so there is an intention for me. create and maintain within the ever continuing spanda of this universe my own connection to source.

back to the meditation cushion i go.

Renewing the Practice

2008-05-13T04:33:00.000-07:00

Since i've been pregnant a lot of my yoga students and friends have asked how it changes my home practice. Pregnancy definitely changes my practice but it's hard to explain. there is the general change that i'm off twisting and i start modifying my poses as i start growing. (no more bow pose already and soon i'll be off cobra and locust too). but there is a far deeper change too.

last summer i went for a 10 day yoga retreat in indonesia. it was amazing and life and practice changing. it was perfect for just before starting to teach because i felt like my practice got very strong and there was a certain attack or fire quality to my practice that i didn't have before. finally i demanded more from myself both in class and at home and i saw big change in my practice as poses began to reveal themselves to me. i felt young, vibrant, fearless, strong....

as soon as i got pregnant in january, that all changed. suddenly i felt very very fragile and somewhat afraid. it is my first pregnancy and suddenly it felt like my body was out of control. i couldn't trust my body, i couldn't push my body. i felt like i was sick all the time but really wasn't. and psychologically i was so afraid i would do something in my practice that would cause me to lose the baby that i backed way off.

all that attack and strength was gone. i was left feeling tired, worn down and pretty scared. the yoga that was my comfort was now sort of a threat. but i knew yoga wasn't going to hurt me, i knew which poses to avoid and all the books said to do yoga. so for the first three months i just pushed through. i never got actual morning sickness, or major mood swings, just the general feeling that things were different. and so i kept on going. more restorative days and much more rest. it was a different sort of practice to rest so much and it was difficult psychologically to deal with the change. what if my old practice never came back? what if this lasts forever????

but luckily the first trimester doesn't last forever. by about month 3 i started feeling better. and now 4 plus months in i'm feeling much more like my old self ... just with a balloon in my stomach to work around. recently i've started to feel more brave again in my practice. and i've started working back to building my strength up. i remember during my teacher training the woman who taught prenatal said something like 'it doesn't do them any good to give pregnant women a break, they need the strength to get through labor and they need to be strong once the baby comes. it's better to let them work and rest, work and rest, just like the rhythm of labor' and that has stuck with me.

yesterday i put the labor principle into action. i worked HARD in my poses, held them longer than normal and concentrated on breath and just gave myself little breaks in between. in the months i took it easier i lost my chaturanga so now i'm working hard to bring that back. and to bring back the arm balances i'd barely grasped. it's time to be serious because taking a break and eating bon bons all pregnancy isn't going to serve me when it's all over. today i'm tired to my bones and muscles from the practice and then teaching all evening, but it feels good. it feels good to have worked it feels good to be hungry from it and it feels good to be as proactive as i can in preparing myself for labor and beyond.

Keeping it Going

2008-05-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

Like most everyone who commits to a home practice, i definitely struggle with getting into ruts. i tend to only practice the same poses over and over. while that's great for laying the ground work for going on to more challenging poses in class, it doesn't really take me any further in my own practice. and i don't get the sense of mastery over those more difficult poses that i would get if i practiced them nearly every day. this is ESPECIALLY true for inversions and arm/hand balances. i do practice inversions somewhat regularly at home but definitely not for any real length of time (not much more than 5 breaths for handstand, and forearm stand and maybe 20 for headstand and shoulder stand.) and arm balances tend to be limited to vasithasana and then attempts at other ones maybe once a month.

so then last week i watched/listened to a John Friend DVD i got for christmas but haven't had the energy to try out. i'd already practiced that day but wanted to check out what he had to say and see what the poses in the sequence are so i'd know when i do have the energy to try it. plus, he's just so amazing to listen to. thank goodness for modern technology. much of this DVD is focused on arm balances and he talks about how most people skip them in their practices because they require so much energy and full-bodied integration. and i was sitting there saying ... yup that's me. and of course, because i skip them in my home practice, i definitely don't teach them in my classes... so i'm setting up my students to skip them too. NO GOOD. time to get into action.

then on monday i got to take class when i usually teach and was able to practice with a teacher i truly enjoy. after class we were talking about the same thing... about falling into a rut with poses and feeling uninspired. one of the other teachers nearby said she knows a teacher who keeps a running spreadsheet of poses and checks off a pose when she practices it. K, the teacher i'd studied with, said she loves excel and was going to go home and do it. and i just brushed it off.

but then i got home, i had some free time and i started to see the value. So on Friday afternoon i spent less than an hour plugging in all of the Level I and Level II Anusara syllabus into an Excel spreadsheet on my computer. i practice in my home office and i realized i don't actually have to print it out i can just keep it on the computer (No extra paper). the nice thing about it is that just by reading through the syllabus i got class ideas and personal practice ideas and i was reminded of poses i skip simply because i'd forgotten about them.

so this month i'm keeping a tally and we'll see how it goes. hopefully the effort up front will pay off in the long run with a better rounded practice by the end of the summer.

Inspiration for Teaching

2008-04-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes having to have a JOB to teach yoga is difficult. This week was one of those weeks. I found myself extremely frustrated and feeling backed into corners as i attempted to relate with my jobs outside of just the teaching the classes aspects.

So i went to a book i find very comforting. a book that is pretty long and i tend to read it for a while then put it away and then pick it back up and start right where i left off. this time two parts of the story really stood out for me.

The book is called How Yoga Works by Geshe Michael Roach and Christie McNally. it is the story of a young girl from Tibet who is held up in a jail in India and begins to teach the Captain of the jail yoga... and all that follows. truly though, it is a study and commentary on the yoga sutras.

in the first part the Captain has just made a big mistake and now must hear from his teacher about it, she is upset because he in essence has called her an employee:

" Yoga cannot be taught that way. Even if this place were some fancy school; even if i owned it, and you came here for classes; even if you were paying me in some way, still the yoga would never come to you - I could never grant you the yoga, you see, even if i wanted to and tried to - unless you regarded me as a teacher should be regarded and that is with respect, deep respect.
Oh it's not that teachers are some kind of faultless beings; it's not that we're not susceptible to our own problems, or that students should follow their teachers blindly.
But we are, you see, vessels; we hold something inside us which is bigger and much more beautiful than us as individuals. Yoga, you see, it began back - long back, long long even before the Master first wrote it down. And it has been passed down - poured from vessel to vessel, poured from teacher to student, and then to their students - for hundreds and hundreds of centuries. It has survived not just in books but in living persons, in the words and touch and thoughts shared between living beings: something beyond what a book can do.
And if all books are precious beyond all measure, the combined knowledge of generation after generation of effort and pain, mistake and discovery - then our teachers are so much more. For regardless of what we think of a teacher, regardless of the weaknesses and faults we may see in them, they are still the one and only door we have to the living experience of countless generations of teachers who came before. Ultimately every teacher contains the knowledge of all teachers before them; ultimately even someone as young and inexperienced as me holds the very water that was poured in to Master Patanjali by his own Master, and which he poured in his own students. And in that sense yes i am a master too, I am your Master, because i am your teacher.
Again, i want you to know. i don't mean Master in a religious sense, say. I don't mean that you should bow to me or give me things or anything like that. What i do mean is that you should respect me, respect me, not for me, but for yourself. It is the kind of respect and affection that one would have for a doctor who has been your doctor for your whole life; who has seen you through everything from baby colds to the more serious illnesses that strike us over lifetimes.
And when a patient or a student has this kind of regard or respect for the doctor or the teacher - and i mean no matter what the teacher is teaching them - then something happens; a kind of magic is let loose. A 'blessing' the Master calls it. All the power of the healing, all the power of generation upon generation of people who struggled to learn and then learned and then granted that great gift onto the next generation, so it would live - so they could live - all that power is released to you.
And then you see, the healing will happen. The yoga will work. And otherwise - if you.... if you think of me the way you have been doing, and I'm not talking about mistakes that happen like that...., but if you don't respect me, as a teacher, as your teacher, then you will never get better. And one day you will just lose interest, and go on to something else and never find out how much farther your healing can go."

WHEW!!! so that gave me moment to think! i mean THIS is what i am supposed to inspire in my student. utmost respect as i am continuing the line of the great teachers i have been so gifted to learn from so far and all of their teachers before them. so it isn't about all the tiny problems that can come up when you have to have it as a job. yoga is so much more and i'd better keep my eye and heart there rather than worrying about the rest.

the second part she is educating her student about not showing off his new physical skills gained from yoga because it can actually set him back in his progress on the path....

" But i also wanted to say that it's not vain at all to feel an honest happiness - a healthy sort of pride- about the progress you have made, and how good you really do look and feel when you're doing your yoga regularly, and for good reasons: with the idea that you might help others. And then even when others see you, and admire your progress, it's a good think; you are fulfilling your goal of being an inspiration for them to heal themselves too.
And i was thinking, you know about the difference," I continued. " Because it's such a fine line, and we are all so weak, you see, and we can slip so easily from being honestly happy about feeling better into thoughts of vanity and competitiveness. And it occurred to me that one thing to keep an eye on as we continue to make progress would be our feelings about others making the same progress.
I mean, if we're doing yoga because we want to inspire others to do it too, so they can heal themselves too, then if someone like the Seargent began to do yoga, and suddenly got very good at it - able to do things we ourselves hadn't been able to do even after years of work - then i think our feelings about that would tell the story.
I mean, if our motivation was pure, then we'd be excited and supportive: we'd let him know what a wonderful job he was doing. And if on the other hand we had started to slip into vanity, then i think we'd feel threatened somehow: we'd feel unhappy about his progress. And then that - that very basic, disappointing form of dislike for someone - would really start to choke our own channels, and ruin whatever progress we had been making."

SO that one helped me stop and go back to why i really want to teach yoga... to HELP people. not just to help them in their poses but to help them in their LIVES. to be patient and let the yoga unfold for them as it will but hopefully to bring them millimeter by millimeter closer to health on all levels of their beings. that said, i'd love for any of my students to come with me to workshops, i'd love for any of my students to become inspired to become teachers and to deepen their practices even if that means they out grow me. it doesn't matter if they are continuing to find health and beauty and fun and love in the practice. that's so much more what it's all about.

now newly refocused i just feel SO much better. sometimes we need those moments to realign with our highest. to align with the divine as they say in anusara speak.

Admin Note

2008-04-19T11:12:00.000-07:00

Obviously the blog has been on a bit of a break. i've been a bit distracted by morning sickness and extreme fatigue to the point of not really wanting to get out of bed. but as i'm into the second trimester of my first pregnancy now i have more energy and am ready to come back full swing to blogging away. (if anyone reads anymore)

Melting Heart

2008-03-05T08:29:00.000-08:00

Last night i took Maria's class in DC and we worked on backbending. i LOVE backbending so this is great. and a fabulous fun class, not just all the standard backbends, lots of fun variations including what i call "Spiderman" where you walk down and up the wall with your hands. so fun!

at the very end as we were going into Savasana she said to 'soften your boundaries into your melting heart' immediately a beautiful image of my heart turning to pure melted gold appeared in my mind. my heart spread and warmed and glowed in the room. then i saw as if the heart was made from hard solid gold then again melted into molten gold spreading through the space. it was SO beautiful and warm and vibrant. what a fabulous image. and briefly i got the sensation of floating on my yoga mat as if it was a leaf floating to the ground. i've been distracted lately and had trouble really going deep to savasana, being open to these images was a definite treat.

Themes

2008-03-03T09:05:00.000-08:00

Recently i've been really wanting to use Heart-Centered themes in my classes. mainly because it is actually a lot easier to teach from a theme than just to float out there with nothing to anchor your class to. working with a theme brings my instructions back to a mid-point rather than letting them fly out of me totally unorganized and unrelated. so i put it out there to a group of friends who were gathered at my house. and this group has some universe mojo working because big things always come out of meeting with these folks.

so in the last two weeks, after meeting with them, my themes have come really really easily and beautifully. AND my classes have had more people in them and it seems they actually buy in to the themes and therefore into my instructions more.

two weeks ago i worked on Courage as the theme. and we worked with Warrior III and Handstand at the wall and with a partner. and it really hit home for some students, i could tell.

this week we worked on Playfulness (got to get softer after that hard work in Courage week) and we did binding and some crazy arm balancing. but what i think helped was that i got them to work as partners too, which opens up the class a bit more and opens up the energy.

So thank goodness that seems to flow at the moment. i'll have to keep it going even in classes where it isn't quite as easy for me to feel comfortable working from a theme. i still feel totally disorganized in how i present the alignment material, if i would just go in order of the 5 principles i'd be FINE I know it, but i never remember to do that. but oh well. eventually i'll improve and for now at least the students have something in the theme they can attach to.

Voicelessness

2008-02-13T12:55:00.000-08:00

i have almost totally lost my voice. sort of. my best friend called on the phone earlier and we hadn't spoken in a few days. she immediately said :"what's wrong" and i have to work hard to reassure people i'm really ok, i feel totally fine, i just can't really speak properly at the moment.

apparently i have 'the cough.' someone at the gym where i work called it 'the 50 day cough' but i'm refusing to let it stick around that long. i mean, really, i do yoga, surely that will take care of it. honestly i'm surprised i caught it at all.

but the cough has made teaching an interesting task this week. i've kept warm water at hand whenever possible but i've found that the moment i am explaining something in intimate detail and with emphasis my voice kicks out and of course i'm miles from the water at the front of the room. it is an exercise in humility to be sure.

thus far students have been quite gracious as their instructions fade in and out due to the unpredictable nature of my vocal cords, but i don't know how long they'll last if this thing hangs on for 50 days!

Immersion 2 Lunchtime Sunday

2008-02-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

Yogini's Journal: FEAR is such a huge emotion. What a motivator and a STOPPER. it puts the brakes on so fast ... even when the body is able, if the mind is fearful, WHEW! Today Moses had us practice handstand in the middle of the room with a friend. A girl got very very fearful very fast and started to cry. But the great part was instead of running away or trying to hide she came right up to Moses and said "i need help" I think that took exceptional courage. And he helped her and they worked together. So it worked out OK.
I guess i forget how scary handstand can be. And actually i don't ever remember being truly aware of being afraid of handstand. I know i was. And i definitely get afraid of headstand off the wall and of Bakasana.

Fear is such a tricky demon. You think you master on part and it turns out it is only waiting deeper inside to reveal itself again. Why is getting to know oneself and all the beauty that IS the individual so incredibly scary and even painful? Why are we so afraid of 'what we might find' in there? Really, we're going to find the GOOD, the BEAUTIFUL the LOVE that is at our core. unfortunately its usually covered up by lots of hurts and anxieties, and those are what we are fearful of. But if we accept that underneath we'll eventually find all those fabulous qualities then all those other things don't matter so much.

and of course there is always the unknown... so i have to just trust the universe to take care of what needs to be cared for and go on from there.

Immersion 2 Sunday Morning

2008-02-03T10:20:00.000-08:00

Yogini's Journal: " Yesterday's practice was only standing poses. Not even a sun salutation to the belly! Lunge and pose, some Down Dog/uttanasana/Tadasana then parsvottanasana, trikonasana, 1/2 moon, parsvakonasana, revolved 1/2 moon, revolved parsva, revolved trikonasana then eagle legs twist and savansana. We went to 1/2 moon and revolved 1/2 moon from standing split... hard! major work in the pelvic focal point and drawing up muscular energy. A tough practice because we really held the poses for a long time. I didn't eat quite right either.. i kept getting flushed and lightheaded.

SO i'm trying to open up to this experience, but i have some sort of block.... Am I being a know it all? somehow i'm in my own way of falling deeply, madly in love with this process. It isn't the same as during the last teacher training when i was completely enraptured. But maybe that is the difference. This is an immersion, not a teacher training. I'm also finding it a little difficult to work with two different teachers. I wish they were working together instead of splitting the weekends between them.

On a whole i enjoy Moses' style. He's humorous but it feels like he is grounded in a deep spiritual practice. HE also gives more advice and directions for what to do to do good.... like carpool, vote democratic, drive as little as possible, etc. That can be inspiring. I want to be able and feel empowered to help my students live more fulfilled lives and sometimes that may include giving advice towards change.

During the last weekend one of the participants was saying she feels so good after yoga class. it makes her a different person and she wishes she could be that person all the time instead of who she often is. And i said, you ARE that person all the time, it's just covered up sometimes. And i said it not to give advice or create change for her, but because that's how i really think. the 'after yoga me' is the REAL me. She said "that's a good way to look at it" and i realized i may have crossed a line into more of a teacher counselor role. and that has stuck with me. i question myself "was that the right thing to do or say?" but now i'm thinking 'sure' we're here to learn from each other as much as from Kate and Moses. And that is what i want to be able to do with my students, to inspire and help them along the path without pushing or forcing -- just organically. It really popped right out of my mouth before i had a moment to think - so maybe she really did need to hear it. who knows.

Iyengar Blogasana

2008-01-31T16:29:00.000-08:00

(this is from the yoga Journal blog website, i can't remember exactly where or i'd link to it)

Some how this cracks me up. Mr Iyengar blogging just like me.

Anusara Update

2008-01-28T08:59:00.000-08:00

the universe will provide for us if we just ASK for it. or so it seems.

i'm slowly but surely making my way down the path towards having Anusara yoga in my life again. HOORAY! several things are coming together to give me momentum

first, i started my Anusara Immersions up at willow street (for #1) and plan to continue those throughout 2008. i'll probably do parts 2 and 3 with Todd Norian and Ann Greene in Columbus Ohio. (fly or drive? fly or drive???) Immersions are the first step towards being able to teach this method so i'm starting at the beginning and am happy to do so. so many times i've jumped into the middle of something and felt lost on the basics. so this is good. then hopefully by next november i'll be ready to start Todd's teacher training and head towards "Anusara-inspired" around summer 2009.

Second, my former teacher is back around a little bit again. so we're able to practice together once a week on thursday afternoons. it is SO completely joyful for me. an Ananda-full experience. she's not even teaching me but just being in the same room and able to chat about Anusara stuff and get her to help fix me up! that's great. (plus it counts as one of my hours weekly of practice) and she's going to be teaching again this summer i think because she needs just a few more teaching hours to get her Certification. yay!

Third, i've also made my way into a class taught by a woman who did teacher training with Desiree Rumbaugh. the woman teaches at the gym where i work. so while it isn't a "TRUE" anusara class, at least she is using the language and teaching from a theme. plus, she's really nice and excited to have me there working from a similar perspective.

Fourth, well, to become a teacher you have to study with one. so i've decided to make the commitment to driving up to DC once a week to take class from a certified teacher. so on Tuesday nights that's where i go. unfortunately i've only made it to one class so far but i enjoyed it. again it will be great to have a teacher with anusara eyes checking my poses. i think i've registered for a class that is lower than my level, but i had to go with my own time availability. and again, basics are a good thing. i can always play around with new poses with vicki if i want to.

and Finally, an anusara certified teacher has been hanging around YS a bit. she's from out of town but it sounds like she may be relocating to Richmond. that would be AWESOME!! then i could go for free and let go of driving to DC. plus, the more Anusara there is the better, not just for me, but for the entire richmond yoga community and for the entire richmond community as a whole.

so. things are looking up. i just have to keep on moving through and looking for opportunities when they present themselves, even if it means driving 2 hours each way some of the time. it will all be worth it in the end.

Because i got high, because i got high....

2008-01-18T10:22:00.000-08:00

The new slogan i'm adopting:

BACK BENDS for a DRUG-FREE AMERICA

Thank you.

(i didn't think it up, Kate Miller quote, but i whole heartedly agree)

Blog Comments

2008-01-16T09:48:00.000-08:00

hello world

somehow i just assumed that no one would really actually READ the blog. maybe my mom would check it out when she figured out where it was on my personal webpage, but not actual people. especially people i don't know.

but. people did apparently. and some people left comments. hooray for that! of course, the comments were left in November and i only just realized that TODAY (january) but right on. i'm open to comments. i love support, and why the heck else would i put it out there except to keep that flow of energy going.

hooray. so keep on commenting whenever and i'll actually read them and respond in a more reasonable time frame.

nice.

Old Friends

2008-01-15T10:15:00.000-08:00

The other night i went to YS to teach the Power Vinyasa (which i am totally enjoying) and i saw some students i had never seen there before. i looked on the sign-in page and recognized the name but couldn't really place it. so then right before class the girl comes up to me and asks if my last name is P... and i say Yes and she is from my hometown and then the guy introduces himself as someone i went through years of grade school up into high school with. NUTS! he looked very different and i look totally the same but how cool was that. i got to give them a practice that they seemed to enjoy and at the end we had a few minutes to catch up. this is someone i might have pegged as becoming a lawyer or dentist or something but no... he's going to school for Ayurveda starting this month. totally cool.
it never occurred to me that my yoga practice could hook me up with people from my past and shine a light into my future at the same time. Rad.

Immersion 1 weekend 1

2008-01-13T15:30:00.000-08:00

This weekend I started my Anusara Immersion 1 at Willow Street Yoga in DC with Kate Miller and Moses Brown. This first weekend was led by Kate Miller
Yogini's Journal: "if nothing else my practice should become more refined and much deeper through this process. Who knew you could work so deeply?? Wild.
Quick personal practice notes: Today what i got that i had been leaving out was the hugging to the midline in the legs in Tadasana. So that is happening now with the heels spinning in to combat the effect of inner spiral of the thighs. And i'm in uttanasana and my gut is lifting up, not collapsing over my thighs because my heart is soft and my legs are engaged.
also, got Chateranga is done with the hands at chest level. just like a weight lifter bench presses to the chest, chateranga is with the arms there, not at eye level. (i was already working that after talking with vicki but the weight lifter image really helps). Then soften the heart and melt into the pose, weight into the fingers. Prasarita Padottanasana i worked the muscle energy so so much I felt it wrap around my pelvis and up into my abdominals. deep deep work in my hips too. and my goodness she is COOKING us in downward dog!

So, it's Sunday of the first weekend. we're on lunch break which is weird because it's 3:30 and we started at noon. But, ok, it's lunch. The practice today was slow and detailed and hard work, but good. The lecture was about the five principles and the three As. I was surprised how much i knew and could recall on demand. good.
So this time, I feel a qualitative difference. In my last teacher training i really pushed myself socially to connect and be chatty. This time i'm sitting alone in a corner on our lunch break happy as a clam to be quiet and writing and off on my own. Last time i would be so annoyed with myself thinking "I NEED to make connections" this time i'm thinking "I NEED to honor myself and take this quiet time so i can be fresh and open to receive in the classroom" such a difference. a SOFTENING and allowing for myself to just be ok with who i am. even if i'm an introvert (gasp!) Now i'm in a different place and surely that has to do somewhat with using my practice to know and ACCEPT myself more fully. honestly, it feels good to take the break i need and NOT to be down on myself for needing it. I used to spend a lot of time steamrolling myself without even thinking. Hopefully not so much anymore.

Two other bits about today. First i practiced dead center front row, i could reach out and touch the teacher. That is totally NOT me. I don't want to be back row (except when i'm practicing somewhere as a teacher getting a freebie) but i'm not usually absolute front. I try to blend in to the crowd and often to disappear. No. now i'm working on really allowing my light to shine and my self to be seen. (no wonder i could use a break right now)

Also today in Savasana, after all that deep work, i found myself thinking about the hospital where i used to work and the climate there right around the time that i left. As i'm writing this i realize that this is about the same time that Vicki stopped teaching and so i had no more Anusara classes. that's interesting - as soon as i get my body back into alignment it spits out the last things i was working on before this big break. i know i also thought of Vicki at some point either before class or in savasana and a real sense of mourning and loss came up. When i got word that we could practice together it really felt like she was coming back from the dead. so i'm just joyful to be able to see her if and when possible. I hope our thursday practice really takes hold and she becomes Certified sooner rather than later so i can keep on working with her.

And i had another John Friend dream last night. This time he was teaching and i got to learn from him and so did my best friend. There was some time when i couldn't find him or something and my next door neighbor from childhood was helping. crazy. i do like having John Friend dreams. they feel very reassuring in some way."

Winter at Maymont

2008-01-11T09:33:00.000-08:00

here are some photos from our afternoon at Maymont the other day. 70 degrees in January! hmmmm....

First on the bridge in the Japanese Garden. i'm really not doing this pose right but i wasn't warm or anything. i DO like the spirit involved though

Second actually IN the fountain of the Italian Garden Virabradrasana II, also i like the spirit more than the execution of the pose

Peace is Every Step

2008-01-06T09:25:00.000-08:00

Peace is every step
The shining red sun is my heart
Each flower smiles at me
How green, how fresh all that grows.
How cool the wind blows.
Peace is every step
It turns the endless path to joy.

Thich Nhat Hanh

You Can't Hide from Yoga

2007-12-17T17:18:00.001-08:00

you can try to hide things from yourself, but yoga always finds it.

i've been stuck lately. teetering between inspiration and moving forward and more often feeling lethargic and dragging. i'm giving the credit to the lack of sunlight in my life these days. as i may have mentioned, i am entirely Solar Powered. add to that my mom calling this weekend to tell us that maddie, our family pet, had to pass away on saturday. and it's not so much that maddie died. i feel ok about that. i just really have a hard time with my mom having grief. same way i feel/felt about my godmother passing away a year and a half ago. i have my own grief and process about it, i can deal with my own process. but my mom is a whole nother ballgame. it is too real if she is sad too.
so of course i try to run away and avoid avoid avoid. but.... tonight i'm in yoga class... tonight we practice backbends (those notorious emotion openers) and tonight i'm laying in savasana and the tears start to flow. you can run from yourself, but you can't run from yoga. so i just stayed there and cried myself through savasana. what else could i do? by the time we were seated for three final OMs i was all closed back up again. not finished, just put back together. i guess i owe myself some more time with that and some more time mourning the light before it rises up again in Saraswati time (Spring)

as always the practice continues to amaze me.

Dilema Resolved

2007-12-16T11:12:00.000-08:00

The teaching dilema resolved finally. Starting today my YS class is now labled a "hatha" class rather than vinyasa. so now i can teach my own way and at a slower pace and the students will expect a slower pace and longer held poses. hooray! along with that i've added a 'power vinyasa' to my class load at YS so i still get to teach some vinyasa which is fun.

this morning i went over to YS and got there around 8:30 to practice for a while before the students arrived. it was cold and grey and rainy out and i thought for sure no one would come. but i went and started warming up in "Air", the blue studio. and the room was warm with candles glowing in the windows and then from the french restaurant downstairs came the most fabulous scent of baking bread. it was all i could do to keep practicing and not run down there and buy a loaf. YUM!

this morning i taught with the theme of looking inward because of the winter solstice coming up on friday. that this is the Kali season of the year. the time of darkness of ending of dying away and is a good time for internal reflection. i started the class talking about that and ended the class with a lovingkindness meditation. and i personally felt pretty good about the whole thing.

what i've been thinking about lately is that people come to yoga because they want to be inspired and moved. that's what i want from yoga. i don't want to just do exercise, i want life inspiration and guidelines and to be reminded of what is really important. so by not giving those things in my classes i'm really selling students short. but offering those things is feeding their souls and they WANT it. i think i didn't offer it before because i was afraid for some reason, that people wouldn't be open to it. that is definitely not the case at all. yogis ARE open to it, and if they aren't it is just because they're having an off day OR they haven't been introduced to it yet. but anyone who comes to a yoga class on a sunday morning definitely isn't in church at that time, maybe they're looking for something else for inspiration. if i can help them find the divinity within through the yoga and meditation practice. i'm doing a darn good job i hope. today people left with smiles and thank yous. that's the best i can hope for.

Another First

2007-11-18T09:51:00.001-08:00

Today i had another teaching first. last time 50 people, this time... only one person showed up. some weeks i might be stressed, annoyed, anxious, tired, worried ... any number of negative emotions might have flowed through me. but today... today it was PERFECT that i had just one. she was a very nice woman and was totally open to everything i asked of her. we worked on her shoulders and her hips and i got to practice all the information that i learned at Sianna Sherman's workshop this weekend. so we had a fabulous practice together. and at the end a sweet sweet smile on her face. she told me she came in feeling stressed out and in a bad mood and was leaving feeling so much better. and that made it all worth it. that's what it's all about. yoga should make you feel good, feel better, feel GREAT! hopefully i helped her with that.

so much of it had to do with me coming from an open place and her being open as well. so hopefully i can learn from that and always go in with an open heart an open mind and ready to help.

OPEN TO GRACE and it happens with ease.

Fall Practice

2007-11-14T10:12:00.000-08:00

Today i was all stirred up thinking about life events that are conspiring to make me a crazy woman by this time next year. i won't bother to explain, especially since who knows how much will actually come true.

so after a long walk with tyco where i talked to him about all the possibilities i decided a yoga practice would really help fix things up. except that i'm exhausted, and my joints are all very tired too. not the best way to work into a yoga practice especially knowing i'll be at a workshop all weekend and i want to arrive there built up not torn down. but i decided to go for it anyway, and knowing my back was tight i thought i'd practice some forward bends and that would be that.

after being outside with tyco i didn't want to close myself up indoors so i brought my mat out to the deck to enjoy the last day of 70 degree weather (or so they say) before it turns cold tomorrow. it was right around lunch time and i set myself up and waited until the impulse to move came. and of course, it did. i took a long slow practice of aligning shoulders and legs and then slowly opening my hamstrings and hips. no Surya namaskar, no plank to chateranga. just long slow work deep in the joints and muscles. it was at once relaxing calming and extremely DEEP WORK. i may have been on my back much of the time but this was in no way a restorative practice.

afterwards i stayed in savasana and enjoyed the beautiful blue sky and bright leaves above me.
then spent a few minutes journaling before tearing myself away to attend to my day. i know in a few years my life won't be set up for this any more. i am extremely grateful for the gift of this time. thank you thank you thank you.

Teaching Dilema

2007-11-12T14:35:00.000-08:00

I have to admit i've been struggling lately. Struggling with the whole being a yoga teacher thing. everything is difficult when you first start but i think i forget that as i'm getting older. now i'm going to be thirty next year and starting off on a whole new career is definitely a challenge. and when i think i've gotten the hang of something, something else goes off and i'm back to square one with that.

right now i'm facing a dilema about Anusara. what do i do about the Anusara? i can't practice it with a teacher because no one here is teaching it. i don't feel like i can teach it effectively yet because i haven't learned how to do that. and yet my body and soul and spirit really ONLY want to practice Anusara and only want to offer Anusara out there to others.

then comes the challege of what to call the class too. i teach 'vinyasa' classes and i teach 'hatha' classes. i can't say i teach anusara or anusara-inspired classes because i'm not far enough along in my training yet. indeed i haven't taken any anusara teacher training yet, just anusara workshops. so when i teach vinyasa from an anusara perspective it feels too slow and the students look at me like i'm boring or i'm killing them and they don't want to come back. when i teach hatha from an anusara perspective it feels right as far as speed and pacing of the class, but it's missing something. it's missing that inspiration from me. it's missing the heart-centered theme. that beautiful heart-centered theme that makes anusara ANUSARA just isn't there yet.

and so for the last few hours and days i've been truly thinking... what do i do? but i've decided i can relax. how can i expect myself to teach a fantabulous anusara class if i haven't been taught how to teach anusara yet? and i haven't even been able to hear anyone else teach it except in short stints in weekend workshops? i can't be expected to do that. so. relax. step back. become humble.

i've decided to teach my remaining vinyasa class (that i've tried to teach anusara) as a true vinyasa class. i enjoy teaching that way even if it feels that it's missing the point sometimes. and i'll keep on working the anusara in my beginning classes and in my hatha class. then as i go through my immersion and begin anusara teacher training next year THEN i'll start to introduce more and more anusara specifics and heart-centered theme into the vinyasa and eventually let it go fully into anusara-inspired class rather than vinyasa. then i'm not fighting an uphill battle every week and i can relax. i can just practice teaching yoga without the added pressure of trying to be amazingly inspirational at the same time. if that happens or it comes to me that's great, if not let it go. humility in this process.

then i think i could add a hatha I/II class at Yoga Source and really work the anusara philosophy and alignment principles maybe on the Spring schedule, and by then i'll have some immersion under my belt and simply more time there at yoga source and more time in the classroom. by then i can start moving towards more anusara. and just increase it bit by bit.

but calling an anusara influenced class - 'vinyasa' does not do it justice, not for me, not for my students. we're fighting each other in the politest way possible. no words exchanged just no one getting what they want or need. so i'll shift.

my other thought is i truly need to start up a beginner class for my friends and let them know i'm working on teaching from Anusara perspective and teaching myself how to do that. and if they want to take part they can, and we can all learn together. then i'm not running into the ego problems of whether people like me or if they will come back etc.

so again, it's relax release. open up to grace even if it isn't where i want it to be. become humble and acknowledge my skill set as it is and know it will grow in the future.

Thank Goodness!

2007-11-12T02:57:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness other people out there in the world share their wisdom!

today i stumbled upon some fabulous yoga podcasts on iTunes. and they are made more wonderful because they are taught by Anusara teachers. Just JUST just what i needed. finally a way to connect regularly with Anusara yoga and not to feel off in the deep end of the pool with no lifeguards out here.

the podcasts are by Hillary Rubin and Elsie Escobar. each has her own podcast and then they have one together called mudra moments about teaching yoga. very informative and inspiring.

check them out on iTunes by searching by name. or go to the webpages at:

www.hillarysyogapractice.com

www.mudramoments.com

www.elsiesyogakula.com

Highly recommended!

(From the Yogi Tea Box)

2007-11-06T14:54:00.000-08:00

Oh mortal one.
Think of the goodness
of the all-pervading God,
Who from mere nothingness
brought you forth in all your beauty!

How he kept you safe
in the fire of the womb
and gave you
mother's milk to drink

In the bloom of youth He gave you
delightful foods and comfort,
And the senses to enjoy them

Oh friend, it is by His Grace that you
are cared for throughout your life.

A First

2007-10-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

I had a first tonight. this evening i taught my first class down at VCU Hospital where i contract to for ACAC. and tonight i taught my largest class to date. FIFTY PEOPLE! fifty. thats 5-0! the room was covered front to back with mats and people were in the alcoves and the doorway.

the nice thing about teaching fifty people is that we all get the energy flowing and we build off of each other. it was actually somewhat easy to be teaching that many once i got started. the tough part is that the personal attention is lost. it's hard to know if everyone is catching what i'm saying. and i miss not having a personal connection.

i guess we'll see what happens next week. maybe more maybe less. but hopefully some will return.

now my challenge is to come down myself for a graceful landing this evening and to remember to use this energy i've been given for GOOD. look for the opportunities for GOOD always. and to REST from it all so i'm not totally wiped out tomorrow.

Jai!

Todd Norian 3

2007-10-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

Now i can't remember the theme from this afternoon's class, Dang! oh well. I know we worked quite a bit with twists - twisted lunge, twisted pigeon. and particularly with opening the hamstrings (triangmukaipada with leg extended in hands then put the foot in the armpit, noose pose which i did for the first time on one side) revolved supta padangustasana with support. one partner braced the back with the shins then press the shoulder and the hip away from each other toward the floor, then they moved to between the legs and we squeezed our legs to them and they outer spiraled our top hips.
I balanced briefly with parvritta bakasana (Yay!) and we finished up with hanumanasana - wasn't quite down there today- and open leged supta padangustasana with bottom leg in badakonasana.

At the end when we were in savasana he offered a guided meditation moving through the koshas. I was out before the end of pranamaya kosha. I was sort of adrift between awake and asleep. I haven't been there in such a long time, it felt good to let go so deeply. Afterwards he led us in some kirtan so that was fun and life affirming/energy building.

Thinking of his guided meditation made me think i need to go back and really put some time and effort into learning those things like samskaras (THAT was the theme! Aha! creating positive samskaras by reinforcing good, moving towards the positive and ignoring negatives) like koshas and chakras. And as i'm writing i think i can help myself by learning it and making it a theme for my class. The theme is revealing layers of ourselves - like the koshas. So at the beginning teach about the koshas, how they are layers of the body, and then in class talk about layers of alignment. I think to teach this Anusara stuff i need to 1 give more time to my own personal practice in optimal Alignment 2 Practice and deeply plan and figure out what i want to work on each week... somehow allowing it to flow organically out of where i am in my teaching process, and where the students are that week and 3 STUDY study study all this stuff.

Todd is referencing a sacred Tantric text called The Splendor of Recognition this weekend. it is all about recognizing our true nature as Source. The universe in each of us. He says it is out of print, but i'll try to get it somehow. He says it is an understandable Tantric text which sounds like a good thing to me.

Then after class he approached me to ask how the classes are going. I said very good. I told him who I am, from Richmond, no teachers etc. I told him about my intention to start immersion in DC then come up to Massachusetts for his 2 and 3 immersions and follow that with his teacher trainings in 2008 to 2009. He said oh that would be great and he thought I'd be an excellent candidate. So that made me feel good. I was glad he spoke to me and we had that moment of connection. And i have to admit my ego was glad to hear I'd be an excellent candidate.

I'm thinking I need to give my students something to write in the journal about, just like THIS. So if i'm working from themes, the students have something to mull over until the next time. That is good. That is creating positive growth for them and for me. That is changing the world, one person at a time.

Todd Norian 2

2007-10-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

Asheville, NC October 26-28

This morning we worked with the idea of stoking the fire. Stoking the internal fire to flame up and burn away concealment. So that image would come back again and again. He often spoke of the legs as logs - the form the foundation, they hug towards the midline because fire can't burn if the logs are too far apart, He talked in the beginning about covering embers with ash so that they stay warm and the fire is easy to light again - so he would come back to that and say that misalignments in the body are like covered ash. He would also say stack the logs (to align the legs) and strike the match (by tucking the tailbone) to light the fire. and we definitely lit the fire and burned our little selves up!

We spent quite a long fixing Adho Mukha Svanasana (downward facing dog) with shoulder loop. And i've finally got my arms in the right place (shrug shoulders, side body long, melt the heart, then when i feel pinching in the trapezious initiate outer spiral in the upper arms so the inner armpit and front of the shoulder move back evenly).
We also worked on handstand at the wall and with partners. I got to observe Todd helping support people as they went into their first handstands at the wall. That was good to see - he definitely took some people up that i would shy away from for lack of strength and upper body integration. I watched and saw that he pretty much braced his bum on the wall and used the wall as support. I can totally do that. He did make a statement that i agree with entirely. he said: " half-handstand is much harder physically but Handstand is much harder psychologically" he also had us work in handstand looking at the floor to help us engage shoulder loop (totally different from Desiree Rumbaugh who said look to the middle of the room)
Then some backbending working with Alignment again, then savasana.
He followed that with more talking about how we are all Source, born from it and it now and returning to it. Source is always there. I have to start talking about this stuff and embodying it because in all honesty i BELIEVE it. I am ready to put it out there more and more.

This makes me think of giving an alignment workshop at CPR. the problem is that Susan and i teach from different perspectives and the alignment of the shoulders and shoulder blades really is radically different in Anusara than in any other style i've come across. But oh well, we'll just have to know we're teaching two different veins. Eventually hopefully we'll have enough classes that we won't be sharing them and the students will just choose what they want to learn.

Todd Norian Workshop 1

2007-10-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

Asheville, NC October 26-28

His theme tonight was working with concealing and revealing. That the universe conceals itself in us in order to reveal itself. The huge cosmic game of peek-a-boo. same as a Halloween costume, hiding just for the fun of revealing oneself. The fun is seeing who is underneath. He also talked about life moving in cycles. Everything happens in three cycles as governed, in the Tantric tradition, by the three goddesses: Saraswati - creativity, joy, beginning; Lakshimi - ultimate bliss, climax, height, middle; and Kali - dying away, destruction, ending.
That now in the year we are moving towards winter, towards the Kali time of gathering back in and storing up to then be ready again for Saraswati in the spring. He said even trees do the same... after dropping their leaves, they send all the vital energy and nutrients to the center of the tree and then to the roots to be saved up during winter.
He talked about each of us being the same because we are all just a part of the universe looking at itself.

Practice tonight wasn't too out of control though I am tired. My muscles are sore - especially from Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Dog) of all things. You never work so hard as when there is a master teacher in your midst. And i'm tired from teaching yesterday and driving today. Mainly i'm noticing i'm not in the shape i was in this summer - so it's back to the mat for me. I particularly want to increase the intensity and duration of my practices.

But, back to Todd. He is SO tiny. That seemed surprising to me, I don't know why. He is short and long and lean and relatively soft spoken. Not quite the charisma of John. But still depth, warmth, and a feeling that he sees you and connects with you. Inspiring in a quieter sort of way - and that gives me hope about bringing my authentic, quiet self to the mat as teacher.

He taught two interesting bits i hadn't seen before. First was "full moon" which i thought would be holding the foot in Ardha Chandrasana, but not so. for Full moon he had us come into half-moon then extend the top arm over the ear and the bottom arm paralell to it. sort of a sideways virabradhasana III. Challenging!!! The second was supta virasana with a partner. First the assisting partner inner spiraled the top of the thighs. Then we came up to the face and did downward facing dog with them holding our ankles and we inner spiraled their thighs while we stretched their arms back. It was a little awkward to give the adjustment, but it felt nice to receive it.
So today i felt a little 'Blah'. probably from so many hours in the car. Tomorrow i'd like to drop the ego down quite a bit and approach the day and the practices as a raw beginner. That is the best place to be coming from. Then i'm open, receptive, and ready to learn from Todd, from the other students, and from myself.

How the Body knows

2007-10-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

I find myself this week wanting to pull on sweaters and wear jeans. i want to cozy up under a blanket and read a book with a hot cup of tea (or, better yet, hot chocolate) resting on my nightstand. It is, afterall, nearly the end of October. Fall is set upon us and the world is getting ready for winter. leaves have dropped all over our yard and my body just knows it's time to start to settle down. i'm sure i'm already gaining my winter weight (ho-hum).

That would all be normal, except that it isn't normal in 80 degree weather. yes, it is October and until today our temperatures have continued to hover in the 80s for weeks now. we had a brief drop into the 60s, which felt absolutely frozen, just in time for my friend's wedding. and then back to the 80s. currently, it is rainy and 66 degrees but with a forecast high of 84. what is this crazy weather warp? i've long believed myself to live in a weather vortex... it sometimes downpours at the studio and not at all at my house only 5 miles away as the crow flies. global warming? possibly... but how do you explain global warming to my body?

my body is trying to set itself for winter. in total disregard for the actual sensations i am experiencing, in total disregard for sunshine and blue skies, my body is storing up, resting up and growing weary...ready for the long winter's nap i suppose. how does my body know that it is time? my body cannot read a calendar. my body does not realize that October 23 is any different from July 23. my body apparently does NOT pay attention to actual air temperature.

i think my body is a tree. it is vrksasana walking on two legs. my body must work just like a tree does, shedding it's protection and storing up as the sun begins to set earlier and earlier each day. i notice each year how long it takes me to reset at the beginning and end of daylight savings. and i know it is because my body's alarms are not in tune with what they sky is telling me. as fall comes my body starts to slow down while my psyche starts to gear up. fall is for back-to-school and work after summer chill-out, but my body works backwards. all my energy comes with the sun, i am Solar Powered. in the summertime i can stay up all night and workout for hours, i am ridiculously productive and energetic. by winter i'm sleepy at 6 and passed out by 9. it is a chore to keep myself motivated to work out. (am i an ad for Seasonal Affective Disorder or what? Thank goodness for yoga to keep me sane) and now i'm feeling that same feeling again, my body is finely tuned to read the skies and know what comes next... Winter. cold or not, the days will be dark the nights will be long and my body will rest after the mad dash that was this summer. i am in constant amazement with my body and its ability to tell me things that my mind would rather disregard. this time it tells me, get ready to rest, winter is coming.

CPR Dedication

2007-10-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

We held our dedication of the space at Core Pilates of Richmond tonight. It was an event to celebrate the introduction of yoga to core pilates and to create a more sacred, spiritual energy in the studio. The studio is a shared space but I was feeling the need for some healing comforting and nurturing energy flowing in the room. We opened it up to any of the students to come and we ended up with just one student, the other teacher (Susan) and me.
We dimmed the lights and Susan led us through forming an intention and each lighting our own candle to represent the intention we bring to the class. Then I led the Ganesha chant (remover of obstacles) to get troubles out of the way and to mark the beginning there. We followed that with 9 rounds of sun salutation B. not so many that it got out of hand or went on all night, but enough to get some energy flowing. After that we spoke of the intention for the space, then chanted the teacher/student chant. And we closed with bowing to honor ourselves, the space, and all the people who will practice there. Namaste.

it was a beautiful gesture and it did feel very spiritual/sacred. it felt like a dedication a beginning of new energy in the space. by the third set of sun salutations i was very much feeling a shift in my energy there an opening. Susan reminded us to open up to the gifts that the others were sending and i was reminded about the give and take of a yoga class. The teacher gains so much too from the process.

and i was so hugely struck by the last bit about honoring everyone who will practice there. my heart and mind opened to the possibilities of SO many people who will come through those doors to practice yoga. even if they only come one time each person will lend energy and has the potential to create growth and change both in the self and in others. that felt magical to me. the idea of the continuation of spirit and of ongoing learning.

afterwards we were getting into our cars and waving good-bye and Susan was so great, she said, 'now wait, after all that we don't just wave good-bye and go away" so we all hugged big open strong hugs, full of hope for the future of this space.

OM namah shivaya gurave.

Intro to Yoga Planning

2007-10-09T10:02:00.000-07:00

I am getting excited about the Intro to Yoga class we're offering at Core Pilates Richmond this Sunday. I've taught many beginners in my time as a teacher, but this is the first time I've had the chance to develop a true Introduction class on my own. I think it will be very fun, and I'm always excited to see people as they awaken to the joy of yoga.
The interesting part, though, is ... it's an hour long. What do I teach??? Yoga is so HUGE! and the most important parts aren't always the parts that beginners think they are. Not only that, how do I impart so much amazing and ultimately life-changing information to these students who are just beginning this process.
The answer is, of course, I can't do that. I have to simply start at the beginning and try to move forward. Hopefully, they'll all be hooked and they will come back. Slowly but surely the onion of yoga will begin to open for each of the students just as it is beginning to open for me and for all the teachers I know.
The best way I can think to serve them is to give them a basic introduction to the many classes of poses: Standing poses, hand balances, twists, hip openers, inversions, heart openers, and restoratives. Then if there is time add some pranayama, probably just a simple three part breath awareness. Even that task sounds daunting for only an hour long class. Daunting but completely do-able, especially if I am well prepared.

So that is my task this week. Plan out and then execute the best darn Introduction to Yoga class I can muster, and then hope it's enough to bring people back for the real deal. We're just at the tip of the iceberg.... want to go for a swim?

Practice Schmactice

2007-09-18T17:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes that's just how it goes. Practice Schmactice. today was just one of those days. i am very tired, and my mind is completely disorganized, plus, all i really seem to want to do is eat. that's never a good sign. that's how i know i'm tired and probably a little stressed with trying to get all these new jobs under my belt.
so this afternoon around 345 i attempted to practice. i am supposed to be practicing a minimum of 1 hour a day 4 days a week plus at least one class. i am doing pretty good about it, but today i fell short. i got on my mat, started up some music because that often helps get me going, and ... nothing. i did a bunch of sun salutes.... nothing, no inspiration, no inner clarity. i did a handstand and even balanced for a few seconds. i practiced parsvakonasana and trikonasana and by then 20 minutes had gone by and STILL no feeling of moving past whatever hump it was i was trying to get over so that was IT!
some days i just need a restorative practice, even though i HATE to admit that. so i settled myself down and moved into supported supta badakonasana, then supported child's pose, and finally viparita kaurani (legs up the wall pose) ah. that all felt good. but still no mental change. all just ho hum. blech.
i suppose it's a good time now to work on non-attachment to outcomes and non-expectations for what the practice will bring, buti have to admit the days like this are discouraging. at least i rest assured that my energy will come back and my heart in the practice will come back. that i can practice again later tonight if i want to and somehow it will be different. or maybe today i just needed to listen to my body a little more and work on accepting myself just as i am. lack of inspiration and all.

Friends

2007-09-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

Here's a photo my friend sent from the two of us at the John Friend workshop in Chapel Hill. notice the sweaty, blissed out smile.

John Friend 3

2007-09-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

Morrisville NC

He talked about using "white magic," shakti, gifts from the universe (a la "the secret") for GOOD, for service to others. That is where it's AT. and THAT is what is missing so often. So often we take what we are given and run with it and try to hide it away. That is missing the point! That's what I GET about all of this.

I want to teach yoga to GIVE BACK, to pass it on. it's why i want to volunteer with big brothers big sisters or the central virginia foodbank. i want to because i can and i am able to offer myself. it's why i want to teach yoga to the underserved somehow and to start to bridge the gap in our community. Where Max and I live is so diverse in socioeconomics and in race and background, but there isn't enough interconnection. There isn't enough working together and just a few blocks away are the poor and violence driven neighborhoods and so much segregation! Richmond has so far to go! I hope I can help. Anusara can help.

And so, I think it's time to start putting myself out there and really being who I am. And SHARING all this joy and love and the seriously magical gifts the universe is giving me. I am ready to teach, I can feel it. Good timing that my teaching career starts officially this week.

More John Friend Rememberings

2007-09-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

His theme for the weekend is Freedom. He talked often about using the foundation to root and allow for freedom to happen. Alignment creates freedom he said. He uses the alignment to build stamina. In the poses we are building tolerance for the Life Force vibration flowing in the body. It is a process of pose and release and feel the vibration, building the container so that you can feel it even more. Put your wishes and desires into the Life Force and become a Light and the energy comes to you. Like how Paul and Somer became the light of Anusara Yoga in NC and other like minded people find them and they all light the way for others.... We are all one, all interconnected. who says you can't feel your neighbor's shoulder blade? There are other ways of perceiving that are apart from our 5 senses ... you can be aware of your neighbor's energy! keep using the alignment and you will open. How do you know it you are working in alignment? You change! You become more aware of others around you. You life and feel life more fully. If it isn't changing you after all this time, what are you doing it for?

John Friend Workshop 2

2007-09-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

Morrisville, NC

John was so inspiring. Today he talked about letting yourself become a steady light. Others will become drawn to that light - life-force/energy - and it will spread. He talked about him coming to Texas when there was pretty much zero yoga and now the yoga community there is huge and there is a lot more tolerance in the community. That people see each other and acknowlege each other. And also the same idea in North Carolina, that it was so small but with the steadfast light it is growing and expanding and this weekend there are 400 people coming together and practicing yoga. It is the biggest yoga event in Carolina history.

That is what I want to do. I want to help bring Anusara to Richmond. Richmond NEEDS Anusara. With the deep racial and socioeconomic divides going on there, Richmond needs a force to help bring some uniting and connecting and recognition of sameness among differences. Yoga, Yoga, Yoga! I think it is possible, and i want ot be a part of it. I can even be a driving force but there has to be more than one of me. More Anusara teachers. Anusara teachers in all studios - an Anusara studio! And then, with more teachers I can take Anusara classes and be inspired and enriched too.

RICHMOND NEEDS AN ANUSARA KULA
- I will build it! I can be a light but it will shine even more brightly with another or many others beside it. Maybe Vicki (my former teacher) will come back too!

So i am hit with the problem that there is no one to study with on a consistent basis. The closest Anusara Certified teacher is two hours away in northern VA. That is a hike! so for now I guess it's just workshops and home practice. And practicing teaching from this perspective. I know I have a LOT to learn and miles of improvement to make but I know eventually I'm going to be very good. And I extremely enjoy the process. This is a very real way to help people make real, lasting, positive change in their lives. How beautiful is that? Awesome.

Anusara Kula, I'm ready for you.

John Friend Workshop 1

2007-09-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

Morrisville NC
I just came back from the meeting hall of the Hindu Society of NC where I saw John Friend, real, live, and in person for the first time. I was telling Max earlier today - it's like going to see the king. He's like a rock star or something. Max asked if I'd be starstruck and I said "Yes, Definitely."

This evening John gave a talk about spirituality in the Carolinas. He talked about the freedom of expression in dance and song of southern Christianity and the energy that slaves could relate to. He also told the story of Swami Vivekananda coming to the US to speak to the world conference of religions on September 11th 1893 (108 years before the attacks on NYC and the pentagon)

At the end he led us in guided meditation. He guided us to close our eyes and immediately differences disappear. Everyone on this planet is breathing, everyone has life force. It enters us when we are born and will leave when we die. We all will die and our bodies will return to the earth. He went through life force in all people, animals, waters, plants, rocks... they all vibrate with energy. All dedicated to the ONE in immeasurable diversity. In the history of time there has never been another human just like you and there never will be. We can celebrate this diversity of the One, we can look for the good in every being.

Hands in anjali mudra - this is a sign of respect and honor all over the world. It says the very goodness at the center of my being has something to offer to you. I am good. I offer you my gift. I acknowledge that YOU are good.

Right away the reminder to "LOOK FOR THE GOOD" at every moment, because it is always there.