Returning

About a month. that's how much time i took before practicing again. the last day before the baby was Oct 10th. and i practiced on my own again yesterday, nov 9th.

i felt my downward facing dog and think it feels pretty much like a beginner's dog. nothing like where it was before pregnancy or in honesty, even during pregnancy. hopefully my hamstrings will open again.

being in this place of having to re-build my practice again gives me SO much sympathy or empathy for beginner students. even for mild students who don't practice very often. this stuff is hard and usually i just bounce around in and out of poses no problem.. but if you're not used to doing it the body can be a challenge.

but happiness, joy, fear, unknowing all crowding in as i get started. and as always the reminders : go slow, it will come, live for this moment and know change is happening.

it just feels so good to breathe again.

unknowing and unknown

i do not know when this baby will come

i do not know what she will be like when she is born

i do not know when my last chance to practice yoga will be before my body is wrecked by childbirth and nursing and carrying this child for hours in my arms rather than in my womb

i do not know and so i wait

and i am lethargic

i think about meditating, about repeating the breath and the birth mantras in my mind

i think about practicing cat/cow and the standing poses left in my repertoire

but mostly i sit

and i stare at the mat rolled in the corner between the bookshelf and the wall

and i wish for a backbend and a headstand

i do not know when i will be able to practice them again

but i know that i will

Summer Doldrums

Summertime, i'm learning, is the lean time for yoga teachers. the number of students in all of my classes has dropped off dramatically and i'm pretty sure this isn't about ME specifically. Summer, especially August, is prime vacation season. this year vacation season also came with the increase in energy costs and i'm sure that had some effect on the number of students in my classes also. so a few weeks i had no one in a class here or there... i also had the chance to work solo with people a few times. and the numbers at the health club, where i'd gotten up to 12 or 14, went back down to 4 or 5.

on one hand, it's very hard not to get discouraged when the numbers are low. the energy of the room seems to sink down and it feels like my voice is lost into the depths of space. but on the other hand, with low numbers it is easier to get into the more difficult poses or to get into poses that require more supervision.
in class at the health club the other night i had 6 people, one of them was a teacher who was in just to observe my class and get a feel for it. so i had five members and a teacher. so even though it is a level one class i was able to teach them handstands at the wall. in a roomful of 14 at very different skill, strength, flexibility, and listening to instruction level i would not have felt comfortable doing that. but knowing my crowd and being able to see them all at once made it possible. and the outcome was great because the true level one students really got to try something new and the level two students who just come to the level one class for fun got to work on the pose more slowly than they do in the level two classes. they got to build up to it with lots of poses beforehand and they got to ask questions without worrying about sounding too beginner.

so i just try to be grateful that i have the time to teach, no matter how many students actually make it through the door. i'll just keep putting myself and my words and my heart out there and see what happens. and i guess we'll see what september will bring.

Intentional Chocolate

When i was in Ohio, Ann and Todd shared this one minute shift video with us. The idea behind all of this and the reason to share is the reminder that our intentions.. our thoughts really do have profound impact on our lives. it is so easy to go through the day thinking negative thoughts and then attracting negative events to us. it is much harder but wiser to teach ourselves positive thinking and then watch as positive events are attracted to us. at any rate enjoy the one minute shift and then, this reminds me to offer gratitude and love before each meal.

Tree Poetry

Looking for inspiration for my class this evening I came across this poem on the web:

Breath by J. Daniel Beaudry

Tree, gather up my thoughts
like the clouds in your branches
Draw up my soul
like the waters in your root

In the arteries of your trunk
bring me together
Through your leaves
breathe out the sky




(particularly great because i'm planning a class on Muscle Energy -- specifically drawing up from foot to pelvis)

What the Heart Says

I was practicing in Todd and Ann's class on the chakras about a week ago now. and we were working on the third chakra. we'd done plenty of abdominal work that i couldn't exactly join in on because of my rounder belly but i did what i could and modified where possible. and then we went into arm balances. Bakasana, parsvabakasana etc. again i was fighting an off-center center of gravity, and baby in the way for most of the poses, but i modified and did what i could.

and suddenly my heart burst out into my thoughts: "i LOVE arm balances" and instantly my body, heart, mind, soul, agreed. yes, arm balances rule and are a lot of fun and are worth loving.

then my rational mind burst into laughter...."You do?" and i nearly laughed out loud at the change in myself.

my rational mind is usually telling me things like "i hate arm balances" and " i'm afraid of and terrible at arm balances in general." but here it was, more accurate and true for me in my practice right now today. in reality arm balances are pretty darn fun and cool no matter how much success i have in my attempts at them.

so the statement i usually reserve for backbending and handstand 'i love X pose...' can now be expanded

turns out I LOVE ARM BALANCES too. Sweet!

Immersion 2 Yogini's Journal 2

Friday June 27, 2008 - - Columbus Ohio

Some random thoughts

- I realized this evening... So many of us in this immersion are Anusara Orphans. We have no home kula, no big Anusara family to draw from. and yet, we still do not desert the practice. We come back to it and we find a way to stay connected. We are so luckily recharged by events such as this one. So many of the people i've talked to are in the similar position as me of being one shining light of Anusara - even as teachers- with no one else around. At least i know as i go back an am alone again that i am not alone in my being alone.

- I spoke up in the group and shared some of my experience today which was an odd move for me. The beauty of it was that then it was as if my light was shining brighter and more people saw me. So i was able to connect to more people in the process because they shared about their own lives or they asked me more about me. It was nice to be seen and not to shy away from that.

- The women i'm sharing the B&B with have both cooked dinner and shared food with me. i felt a bit uneasy about it. But then i think back to even a few weeks ago when all i wanted was for someone to cook for me and i feel such GRATITUDE. i feel totally wrapped in Abundance. Very very grateful for their joy, hospitality, and sharing. and i'll just try to extend the same in return.


--Other gratitude and inspiration

-i am grateful for my group of spiritual friends at home. a group i can come together with and share about all of these moments.

-I am grateful for my family and the love i feel for them and from them - including all of my wonderful friends.

- i am inspired to have friends over to share meals

- i am inspired to practice with N.

- i am inspired to learn more and play more with my chakras