Lonliness

It is building, this local Kula. slowly but surely the anusara community here is getting started. hard to get started without an actual certified teacher, but that isn't really stopping us. i like knowing i'm not the only one around here who loves Anusara. who is eating it up and can't get enough... it feels a bit like and addiction to the alignment the theming the Tantric philosophy... and the heart-opening wildly loving family.

and that's where i feel a bit lonely. our family is small and only loosely banded together and the part that i am a part of... i am in the lead. i am the teacher. i am the mother. i am the guide. it is an honor. and it is lonely. i've often thought of john friend and wondered if he experiences this feeling. that no one can quite be in his place and share with him. that there is no one to take him under their wing and offer to him all that he offers to others. who opens his heart and blows his mind? i know the students do, but it is in a different way, a different capacity.

i miss being a part of a regular class, with a regular teacher that i look up to and adore and wonder about. that shares love to me as a child is loved by a parent. i miss having other students that are my friends that i laugh with and watch movies with and share long nights out to dinner and then dancing or other wildness. things are not as they once were. i know my YTT teachers do love us, but there is so much intellectual learning and not nearly enough practice happening at YTT.

and so i realize, though i've been in my (slowly growing) kula here and i've been in my YTT kula and so in the heart of Anusara. in the back pocket of one of my favorite teachers even. i'm over due for a hit of the love. i'm over due for a big rockin weekend of practice practice practice, expand expand expand and LOVE it UP! thankfully i am scheduled to practice with john next month. and i've made my plans for the future to keep myself connected and plugged in to the merry band, to even take my place as a part of the merry band.

i'm ready ready ready. enough learning and thinking and planing, time to DO!

AH - HA!

the other title to this post could be: OH, so that's what Grace is

i had an epiphany moment the other night while i was being yoga nerd and making flashcards for my YTT test. i was studying the immersion manual and came to the (very brief) part about Grace. According to John Friend "Grace is the power of revelation" i have read those words many many times. i have been taught that very idea many many many times in many many many ways, yet the other night it was totally different. like being hit with a baseball bat of reality and suddenly something changed. i GET it.
Grace is a POWER. it doesn't have power or use power it IS the power. so Grace is not some noun that uses her influence on the word. Grace is actually that moment when you realize something or you learn something new when... it is the power that makes that new learning possible, or makes the ah-ha happen. it is a power that reveals a truth that was previously hidden. it IS THE POWER. like friggin' magic.
i got really excited about it. i am really excited about. even taught a pretty good Open to Grace themed class that sunday.
and since then i've been thinking more about it. right now i'm imagining Grace to be like 'the Force' from Star Wars. it exists all around it is an invisible but undeniable power and some are more skilled in attuning to it than others (but probably all can be taught). the big difference would be that the Force is a power of the mind, and Grace is a power of the heart. either way it is about moving into the flow of the pulsation of life and staying there by attuning moment to moment. the better you get at attuning the better able you can tap into the power and use it to your advantage... to the advantage of the whole world.

and that's what it feels like to me today. i'm opening to a whole new world... powered by Grace.