Monday, December 17, 2007

You Can't Hide from Yoga

you can try to hide things from yourself, but yoga always finds it.

i've been stuck lately. teetering between inspiration and moving forward and more often feeling lethargic and dragging. i'm giving the credit to the lack of sunlight in my life these days. as i may have mentioned, i am entirely Solar Powered. add to that my mom calling this weekend to tell us that maddie, our family pet, had to pass away on saturday. and it's not so much that maddie died. i feel ok about that. i just really have a hard time with my mom having grief. same way i feel/felt about my godmother passing away a year and a half ago. i have my own grief and process about it, i can deal with my own process. but my mom is a whole nother ballgame. it is too real if she is sad too.
so of course i try to run away and avoid avoid avoid. but.... tonight i'm in yoga class... tonight we practice backbends (those notorious emotion openers) and tonight i'm laying in savasana and the tears start to flow. you can run from yourself, but you can't run from yoga. so i just stayed there and cried myself through savasana. what else could i do? by the time we were seated for three final OMs i was all closed back up again. not finished, just put back together. i guess i owe myself some more time with that and some more time mourning the light before it rises up again in Saraswati time (Spring)

as always the practice continues to amaze me.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Dilema Resolved

The teaching dilema resolved finally. Starting today my YS class is now labled a "hatha" class rather than vinyasa. so now i can teach my own way and at a slower pace and the students will expect a slower pace and longer held poses. hooray! along with that i've added a 'power vinyasa' to my class load at YS so i still get to teach some vinyasa which is fun.

this morning i went over to YS and got there around 8:30 to practice for a while before the students arrived. it was cold and grey and rainy out and i thought for sure no one would come. but i went and started warming up in "Air", the blue studio. and the room was warm with candles glowing in the windows and then from the french restaurant downstairs came the most fabulous scent of baking bread. it was all i could do to keep practicing and not run down there and buy a loaf. YUM!

this morning i taught with the theme of looking inward because of the winter solstice coming up on friday. that this is the Kali season of the year. the time of darkness of ending of dying away and is a good time for internal reflection. i started the class talking about that and ended the class with a lovingkindness meditation. and i personally felt pretty good about the whole thing.

what i've been thinking about lately is that people come to yoga because they want to be inspired and moved. that's what i want from yoga. i don't want to just do exercise, i want life inspiration and guidelines and to be reminded of what is really important. so by not giving those things in my classes i'm really selling students short. but offering those things is feeding their souls and they WANT it. i think i didn't offer it before because i was afraid for some reason, that people wouldn't be open to it. that is definitely not the case at all. yogis ARE open to it, and if they aren't it is just because they're having an off day OR they haven't been introduced to it yet. but anyone who comes to a yoga class on a sunday morning definitely isn't in church at that time, maybe they're looking for something else for inspiration. if i can help them find the divinity within through the yoga and meditation practice. i'm doing a darn good job i hope. today people left with smiles and thank yous. that's the best i can hope for.